3 beginning steps to Fitness

ImageQUICK UPDATE! I think when I think about it—I would consider myself a FIT chick. I’m not the most fit nor am I claiming to be the best fit but I am, in my own way, a FIT chick. I workout more than I go out, and I eat accordingly to my goals. Has there been times when I simply wanted to give up and just quit? Yup à check out my winter months. [It was SO not bulking season..it was just, gimme that McDonald’s season.] I get it, I totally do. Life just happens to get in the way sometimes, right?

A little over a month ago, I was talking to my friend about fitness and gushing over the fact that we LOVE looking at fitness photos. To the point where I believe it was a slight obsession. Then I decided that I was done being SkinnyFat and ready to get back to my old self. Here’s how I did it with 3 simple steps:

  1. I threw out CRAP food.You don’t realize how much you hoard food until you begin doing a full sweep. My mentality right now is, “out of sight- out of mind”. You won’t find chips, cookies, or instamac in this household! I also never realized this but I kept a lot of old pasta boxes, rice bags, and just half eaten cracker stuff. DISGUSTING! Once I eliminated CRAP from my fridge, I started stocking it with good things that would go bad after a week if I didn’t cook it. Which leads me to my number 2.
  1. Meal PrepI wish people realize how important it is to not only eat healthy but to also prep your meals! No, prepping meals is not just for competitors but it should be part of your [future] healthy lifestyle. By preparing your meals it not only helps you actually make the food all in one day so it doesn’t spoil sitting in your fridge but it helps you just do a grab an go the next day! ALSO the biggest part about getting those abs that people so desperately want is eating healthy! Seriously, meal prep would save you in the long run. Plus, tubawares are much easier to wash than plates and skillets.
  1. Fitness LogYou can do this in many different ways. Keep a notebook, an online spreadsheet, exercise log (they sell them at your local bookstore), OR you can be like me and just start a fitness instagram account. This will give you a visual of how your body can quickly change while also tracking your workouts on there. I keep my account public because there are endless amount of encouragements and motivations to help you continue on your fitness journey.

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I’ll be doing more posts in regards to what workouts I do and I can’t wait to share you guys my amazing running plan that my best friend, Krista (promisesofcardio.com) came up with. Follow me at FitCLe on instagram to see my progress!

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So what if I don’t like my kid?

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Before any of you sanctimonious people jump down my throat, let me just begin by saying that I love my son more than anything in this whole entire world. However just because I love him does not necessarily mean I have to always like him. I say this with heavy heart because no one wants to feel this way. Naturally, I would all like to enjoy every aspect of motherhood all the time. I would like to think that I could be Supermom and tackle everything that is thrown my way…but I’m not and I can’t. I am a single mother who is balancing two jobs while going to school full time and dealing with a child who is going through his terrible twos too early. Due to the overwhelming stress with being able to maintain balance, I often find myself on the brink of cracking when my son decides to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store—kicking, screaming, biting, etc. Or when he uses my waterproof mascara to color my beige walls. Or when he decides to rip pages of my books (my most prized possessions) that I have yet to read. Or when he simply wants to cry for two hours straight—and doesn’t want to be held or talked to. I really mean this when I say, that you really don’t know the depth of your love for your child until you know what it’s like to dislike (and dare I say, hate) them but still care for them. In other words, they’re still here, alive and breathing even though you may have pictured killing them or giving them away.

I am human and I would like to think that by admitting the fact that I don’t always enjoy being a mom is pretty brave because we live in a society that holds very little empathy for this sort of confessional. Let me assure you that this is not synonymous with me regretting to have my son because I don’t. I would never trade my son for anything. This is just me being honest with myself, and allowing myself to feel what I feel in this very moment.

For a while, I have been reluctant with admitting to even my closest friends and family that sometimes I just hate being a mother. I hate it. It’s hard! Especially when I’m doing it alone. I was afraid to share that with people because I know the look I would get: that condescending stare that leaves me feeling embarrassed and useless. It’s as though I’m weak by admitting that being a mom can be overwhelmingly stressful at times. It didn’t help when I decided to openly express my misery at work and this woman said, “I could never understand how mothers can say that they don’t like their children. I love being a mom!” Mind you, this woman is at the nail salon getting her nails done without her kids. It must be nice to have that time for yourself, isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong; I see nothing wrong with mothers taking time for themselves (I highly recommend it!), however don’t tell me that you love being a mom all the time when you’re at the nail salon, alone. This is the type of attitude that makes other moms feel bad for not having that perfect American Cookie-cutter lifestyle. It makes them feel like they’re horrible parents when in actuality they’re just normal. My favorite is when someone suggests that you are simply being ungrateful when others would kill to have a child and can’t. That really chaps my ass because it’s entirely unfair to think that just because someone has a child, and others can’t, that they are not allowed to feel like crap sometimes. That’s unnecessary pressure to put on someone! It’s not fair to pass judgment on others when you have no idea what is going on in their life.

However, I digress.

The point of this is to say that I find it sad how little people empathize with mothers who admit their feelings. This is why some people internalize it because they don’t want to feel judged and get called things like “ bad mom” when that is not the case at all. This may be why some parents do eventually break because they don’t speak up when they’re overwhelmed. You can only bottle up so much before you crack. I think it’s perfectly okay to admit when it’s hard and to maybe get some support from others. Even if you just vocalize your feelings, you’ll feel better. Anything is better than to just keep it all inside, getting depressed and then go crazy. I know for me, when I feel like I’m about to literally about to go crazy psycho—I vent to my friends, or write a humorous Facebook status to lighten the mood, or just scream in my room by myself. Admitting and sharing does not make me a bad mother this is my antithesis to psychotic. Motherhood is not always going to be pretty, and you’re not always going to be happy– BUT THAT’S OKAY! It’s okay because I know I’m not alone when it comes to feeling this way and if you’re a mom who is reading this and have felt this way – please know that you are not crazy, you’re normal.

Meet my son when he’s throwing a tantrum:

 Child’s logic on loving and liking:

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Pictures via Google.

Happiness is your lifesaver.

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I am Callous Christina. It is much easier to want, need, and dream than it is to work, earn and accept. According to Wikipedia, “Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy”. For me, this “intense joy” usually comes in forms of shoes. I spend more time thinking about my future than I do paying attention to what is going on in the present. Everyday I wake up telling my self that “one day, you will be immensely happy—when you finally move into that big house with a closet that is comparable to Carrie Bradshaw’s in “Sex and the City”, drive that brand new car [preferably a Mercedes convertible], doing that dream job [Dr. Le delivering babies], be featured in some fitness magazine as a motivational figure, and also be married to a dashingly handsome scholar of some sort [or James Franco, because any other man would be subpar]. I know these things would make me happy. They say “money can’t buy happiness” but these materialistic gains would really help. Thinking about my lovely future makes me happier than a unicorn eating sparkly oats while galloping over a rainbow.

If everything goes as planned and I get all the things that I have ever dreamed of then the security of my happiness is promising.  What about now though? What about this present time? People are always talking about how we should just learn how to appreciate what we have and be happy with it. “Appreciate all the little things”, “It’s the little things that count”, and so on and so forth. What I got from all these little life affirmations is that I should be happy while living from paycheck to paycheck. I should be happy being a single mom as well as a fulltime student who is working forty plus hours a week. I should be happy that my social life is comparable to Seth Cohen’s before Ryan Atwood. (That was an O.C. reference for those who didn’t get it.) I should be happy seeing most of my friends get all these big people jobs while I’m still here dreaming of being happy.  That’s the problem with me.

 I’m a dreamer.

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 A dreamer without plans. Needless to say, I do not currently like my life. I’m almost resentful towards God for not blessing me with a life like Miranda Kerr’s. I blame my parents for possessing the recessive alleles to give a short phenotype. You see all these other people out there making names for themselves: becoming veterinarians, going off to law school, winning these fitness competitions, and being able to afford a Chanel bag without worrying about making rent. I’m even envious of those who get to do humanitarian trips to other countries when I’m stuck here because I would never be able to leave my son for a long period of time. This is why I tell others that if they think about having kids, they should consider getting a dog first. At least with dogs you can neglect them for a bit or leave them at a kennel when you want to take a trip. People are living the lives that I only dream of living. If someone were to ask me how I would describe my life right now… it’s simple. I can describe it in three words.

 My life sucks.

My organizational skills are simple: I have none. I have all these great ideas but do you know how often I follow through with those? Put it this way, I can count on one hand (or maybe half a finger) of all the things that I have completed on my extensive to-do list. Such as my sad attempt at Norwich University, as well as University of Southern Mississippi, wanting to become a Commissioned Officer in the Army, then wanting to become a pilot, and even wanting to try all these new gluten free recipes. I think I just let the ideas form but once I let it ruminate a bit, I begin to realize that all my ideas requires me to overcome by dominating trait of laziness. There was a time where I thought I would travel the world and maybe become some sort of activist, comparable to Sophia Bush or Olivia Wilde. Perhaps even build a school or just help out with local things around here. Even with community service, I come up with ideas of all the things I can do but then make up excuses as to why I can’t do it: “I’m too busy”, “No one will do it with me”, “Maybe tomorrow”, “Maybe next week”. Well, those weeks turned into months and guess what? I’m still here. With the same dreams and no actions. So I have dreams!  That’s great! It would be fine if I just had dreams and can accept the fact that it won’t be easy to make them come true and be happy with it. Yet, I’m not. I’m not happy with my life. Somewhere along the line I turned into such a negative person. I blamed everything on everyone. I was so angry all the time. Crying that life isn’t fair.

So I don’t know when it happened. It might have been when my son began singing the ABCs. Or it could have been when that stranger reciprocated my smile with theirs though they looked miserable beforehand. It also could have been woman at the Walmart profusely thanking and blessing me for donating two dollars to her red bucket. Something just came to me and I began trying to look at the positive side of things. I read Miranda Kerr’s “Treasure Yourself” book at this café in my hometown. Though I originally bought the book because I’m a huge fan of Miranda, I actually enjoyed the quick read. What I got from it is that you have to learn to love yourself and love the life you’re given. There are people who have it much worse.

My best friend and I talk about our dreams for the future on a daily basis. It’s nice to have someone who understands you and don’t view your dreams to be silly. Or maybe she does but she would never tell me that I couldn’t do it. She would fully tell me up and down that I can and even throw up some witty compliment to make me feel good.My mother tries to tell me to be realistic and she’s not too supportive of some of my life goals but who can blame her with my track record of  the incomplete to-do lists. But I digress. What I’m trying to say is that life is hard. Life is work. Life is just life. How we look at life is up to us. I could keep doing what I have always done and just dream but never act. Say but never do. Be disappointed but never change. I can either dwell or motivate myself. This will be my first step to change. I want to appreciate life. I want to see all the beautiful things that life has to offer. I want to just take this opportunity to do anything and everything that I’m capable of doing. Really believe that “nothing is impossible”. I want this blog to show who I am and all that I love. My amazing photographer friend, Shawn Pearce, will be helping me see all the beauty through his photos for this blog. Whether it’s on my little adventures through the Christina wonderland (all through MA and RI), fashion, books, scattered thoughts—whatever. I just want this to set the foundation to being Cheerful Christina.

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